Six days.

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In six days I will be flying to Thailand on my first solo vacation. I’ve never traveled alone before so initially I was kind of terrified but now I’m beginning to feel very excited. I just booked a stay in a nice hotel bungalow in Koh Chang, an island approx. 5 hours from Bangkok.

My mom’s friend is Thai and lives in Bangkok so he will show me around. Koh Chang will be my island paradise. There’s a kayaking and biking tour that I’m interested in, but besides that, I don’t mind just relaxing on the beach or lying in a hammock all day reading a book. A friend once told me how he met someone who traveled all the way down to Cambodia just to read. I remember thinking how strange it was to spend all that money to do something you can do anywhere, but now I understand.

I’ve been feeling out of sorts these days—one week I’m happy and the next week I’m miserable. That’s ok. Last night I dreamt I was at an airport, searching for something I couldn’t find. I’m constantly running and searching in my dreams, this time with less urgency so I believe I’m coming to terms with myself.

I fear that I live too much in the future, but every time I look back I see and feel nothing. I am learning to enjoy the present now because that’s what counts. I want to be braver. I know I can be.

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