The theme for this year’s Christmas break has been Star Wars. Today, I wore my newish R2D2 shirt and socks, paired with my Star Wars sweater. My friends dressed as the Umpire Strikes Out, a stylish Obi-Wan, and a modern rendition of Darth Vader. We made Star Wars puns all day and listened Life After Death Star, a mash-up of the Star Wars score and Biggie Smalls, on our way to late night roller disco at Moonlight Rollerways. Now, they are seated comfortably on the couch watching Episode IV: A New Hope while I’ve chosen to blog. I am happy, if not sad at the same time. Tonight marks the beginning of my last week in L.A. and I don’t want to leave.
I’ve been making sweeping life decisions over the past week and now my head is sore. I’ve vowed to begin my first steps to a new life. Perhaps I am just scared now that reality is sinking in. I wanted this yesterday but right now, at this exact moment, I am not so sure.
It is tiring how fickle I can be, but I am learning that this is part of who I am. I’m tired of correcting my shortcomings. What would it be like to truly be myself? What kinds of consequences will I encounter?
I wish I could pause and just exist in this moment for awhile longer. I’m always looking ahead, and I already feel like my last day is upon me. But I will do my best to enjoy my final week. It’s been good.